i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
