I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
