no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
