I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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