That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize