The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
