You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
