I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
