Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
