As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
