why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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