Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
