Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
