Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
