He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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