Will you blow on my dice?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
