my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
