Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
