I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
