just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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