i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
