jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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