So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
