You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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