woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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