I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
