I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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