I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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