Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
