Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
