worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
