I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
