you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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