New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
