I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't deserve a penis
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
