I am spending my child support on dildos
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
