You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
