He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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