he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Green mimosas i think yes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
