u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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