let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There r osticjed everywhere
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
