her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
