it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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