One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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