And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
