Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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