so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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