I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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