I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
