it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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