he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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