So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
