If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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