i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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