Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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