guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
