I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
