1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
