this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
