I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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