On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
