what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
