Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Where is the hickey?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
