Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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