Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
