By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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